Ted, back in tenth grade, me and the guys were always saying, “That Ted is onto bigger things than this Arby’s. He’s probably going to be regional manager one day!” I suppose me and the guys were wrong, but it’s great to know you’re onto so many big adventures! As for me, I made it to assistant manager before I quit. Turns out to make it any further, you have to be hand-selected by Arby, the biblically accurate many-teated creature from which all of the meats are released. My dream died that day, along with Frank, Scottie, Jambo, and the rest of the guys as they fought like hell to run from Arby. Me, I just played dead and he eventually lost interest and that’s how I was spared. I work at a Payless Shoe Store now, which isn’t exactly King of Denmark, but beggars can’t be choosers. Anyway, congrats, old chum!
Thanks for the update. I remember hearing that Denmark imploded and basically became a black hole a while back. Was that you? Regardless, I just want to say that you can buy me a recliner anytime, if you know what I mean. ;-)
That's a crazy story! And precisely why I don't use delivery services. Not worth the risk.
Nice to see you resurface. Your brush with power seems to have strengthened your inner saucier. Fortunately, the Danish people are far too polite to tell you that you've gained a few pounds, and so am I.
Hope all is stable in the Haüs of Travestead.
p.s. - Most of us thought the 'selling Greenland' joke was extremely funny, even if some people didn't get it.
Was the Instacart shopper a dude? Nothing worse than the "out of stock, replacing with: constitutional monarchy" notification.
Always enjoy your cup of teeth, Ted. By the way, have you tried Norway?
Ted, back in tenth grade, me and the guys were always saying, “That Ted is onto bigger things than this Arby’s. He’s probably going to be regional manager one day!” I suppose me and the guys were wrong, but it’s great to know you’re onto so many big adventures! As for me, I made it to assistant manager before I quit. Turns out to make it any further, you have to be hand-selected by Arby, the biblically accurate many-teated creature from which all of the meats are released. My dream died that day, along with Frank, Scottie, Jambo, and the rest of the guys as they fought like hell to run from Arby. Me, I just played dead and he eventually lost interest and that’s how I was spared. I work at a Payless Shoe Store now, which isn’t exactly King of Denmark, but beggars can’t be choosers. Anyway, congrats, old chum!
Good Lord, I thought Arby was urban myth. I’m relieved I dodged a meat teat. Great thinking playing dead!
Welcome home! Denmarks loss is Substack's gain!
Dude, the same thing happened to me!
Appreciate the update.
May that towel serve you well.
McNancey Pants
“I galloped from the room. (Looking back I’m sure I just quickly walked.” This is too good hahahahha
Cheddar days are coming, ol’ friend.
Gouda friends never forget. 🙏🏻
Awww … feeling so nostalgic for the innocent days of Twitter when nazis weren’t grating on my nerves and you could just brie yourself.
I'd been wondering where you were. I have no doubt you reigned benevolently.
Thanks for the update. I remember hearing that Denmark imploded and basically became a black hole a while back. Was that you? Regardless, I just want to say that you can buy me a recliner anytime, if you know what I mean. ;-)
Ahoy, Ted -
That's a crazy story! And precisely why I don't use delivery services. Not worth the risk.
Nice to see you resurface. Your brush with power seems to have strengthened your inner saucier. Fortunately, the Danish people are far too polite to tell you that you've gained a few pounds, and so am I.
Hope all is stable in the Haüs of Travestead.
p.s. - Most of us thought the 'selling Greenland' joke was extremely funny, even if some people didn't get it.